Apologise for the Past
by brightsparkx
Summary: Back in junior year, when Santana took Finn's V-card, she fell pregnant, but feeling the pressure she decided to have an abortion; not telling anyone about it. Now its Senior year and Santana is reconsidering telling Finn about their almost baby. Rate M.
1. Caught Red Handed

**AN: so, there may be some of you who think i got the idea for this fic from a girl who role plays Santana on , well thats me so i haven't stolen anything, just so you all know. i don't own anything other than the situation the characters are in, the characters themselves where created by Ryan Murphy and Co.**

**This is an AU story, obviously.**

_Full Summery: Back in junior year, when Santana took Finn's V-card, she fell pregnant, but feeling the pressure she decided to have an abortion; not telling anyone about it. Now its Senior year and Santana is reconsidering telling Finn about their almost baby. What will Puck do when he finds out that his go-to girl didn't have the courage to do what Quinn did? Will Finn and Rachel Survive once Santanas secret comes out?_

**_Finntana, Pucktana & possible Puckurt or Puckelberry Smutt. RATED M FOR A REASON PEOPLE. please do not read if you are under the age of 16._**

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><p>He was a complete Oaf, a big uncoordinated oaf who couldn't see right from wrong most of the time. He had memory problems, and tended to think the world revolved around his life; which it doesn't. And yet, there is, well was a possibility that i could have had his child, if i felt like being kicked of the cheerios, ridiculed and mocked for at least 9 months, if not longer.<p>

Santana shuddered softly as she thought back to that one fatal night she took Finn Hudson's virginity. It had almost been 2 years to the day that she had, and she wished she could just skip the day all together. The 27th of January had always stuck in her mind, and the thought of it haunted her, telling her it was wrong, and against her religion to have an abortion, let alone sex before marriage. of course she had sex many a time, and she wasn't planning on slowing down just to appease the gods, but abortion was killing a potential someone, someone who that would have been hers, who would always love her, because no matter how many times Santana tried she just couldn't help but love kids, and if it was her own kid, it would be all the more sweeter.

But she wasn't ready; not ready for the responsibility of looking after a child. And god knows Finn wasn't, he may have said he was when it was Quinn having a baby but he's just like a child, especially not when it was Santana who was going to pop the little one out.

Cringing as she thought of the pain her own mother had gone through when popping her and her older sisters out. The Latina made a mental note to have a C-Section when she did finally have a kid.

A slight frown perched itself on her forehead as she watched intently Frankenteen and his hobbit girlfriend trying to teach him to dance, it was just sad. Everyone knew Finnocene was never going to dance, just like Man-Hands would never be taller than a smurf. Why they tried was an unknown to Santana, it was a wast of their time, and her patience.

"Mr. Shue!" Santana called as she watched her incapable spanish teacher stride into the classroom. "I have a song that i want the trouble tones to perform at regionals." she said in a matter of fact tone.

looked at her intently waiting for her to continue with what she was saying, and it seemed so was everyone else.

Santana loved having everyones attention, it was just the way it should be, as she really was the best singer out of all of them. "I was thinking we could sing 'Sexy, Naughty Bitchy Me.'" that song was her anthem, just as Blair Waldorf was her role model, she pulled off everything in that song, it was if it was written for her.

"uh… I don't seem to know that song Santana" said a little uncomfortable; good, he's creepy.

"I wouldn't expect you too , all you listen to is 80's Classics and Journey. But since you asked so nicely. ill show you" she said her signature smirk played on her plump lips as she stood up and took to the centre of the classroom, nodding to Brad and the rest of the band to start up the music.

She looked expectantly at Brittany and Sugar and they quickly got up and stood just behind her in a sought of triangle shape.

_Santana _| **_Tana&Britt&Sugar._**

**_I pick all my skirts to be a little too sexy_**

**_Just like all of my thoughts they always get a bit naughty_**

**_When I'm out with my girls I always play a bit bitchy_**

**_Can't change the way I am sexy naughty bitchy me_**

Santana smirked as she ran her hands up her body watching the boys eyes flicker to the hem of her skirt as it shifted up her body, she couldn't help the grin that sprung to her face.

_I'm the kind of girl that girls don't like_

_I'm the kind that boys fantasize_

_I'm the kind that your momma and your daddy were afraid you'd turn out to be like_

_I may seem unapproachable but that's only to the boys who don't have the_

_Right a approach or ride that makes a girl like me wanna hop in and roll_

_People think it's intimidating when a girl is cool with her sexuality I'm a 180 to the stereotype girls like staying home and being innocent_

_My mouth never takes a holiday_

_I always shock with the things I say_

_I was always the kid in school who turned up to each class bout an hour late and when it came to the guys I'd lay, I'd always pick the ones who wont figure out that I am clearly a rebel to the idea of monogamy_

She had choreographed some simple moves and as the three of them turned out their hips circled before she looked over her shoulder, winking at Puck before spinning around again.

_People think it's intimidating when a girl is cool with her sexuality I'm a 180 to the stereotype girls like staying home and being innocent_

**_Sexy... naughty... bitchy...me_**

**People think it's intimidating when a girl is cool with her sexuality I'm a 180 to the stereotype girls like staying home and being innocent**

**_I like all of my shorts to be a little too shortly_**

**_Unlike all of my guys I like them tall with money_**

**_I love all of my nights to end a little bit nasty_**

**_Can't change the way I am sexy naughty bitchy me_**

**_I pick my skirts to be sexy_**

**_Just like my thoughts a bit naughty_**

**_When I'm out with my girls ...bitchy_**

**_Can't change I am_**

**_Sexy naughty bitchy me_**

Santana giggled softly as and many of the other glee club members stared open mouthed at the three girls standing up at the front. she could tell that Mr. Shue was contemplating it, but there was always that big issue of the content of the song which always seemed to come down harder on her.

"that was um, wonderful Santana" said Santana just nodded and flipped her hair over her shoulder.

"well we already knew it was going to be amazing before i even opened my mouth" she said her playful smirk taking over her features.

"But there is a few things that we might want to change" continued, causing Santana to roll her eyes in annoyance, why did he have to change everything.

Santana moved back to take her seat and quickly tuned her teacher out as she began his rant on what they would need to change if the trouble tones where going to perform that song.

She was more interest in the sneaky hand that was sneaking up the inside of her right thigh, Puck mirrored her cheeky smirk and lent over pressing his lips to her neck before moving them up to her ear lobe.

"meet me at my truck 10 minutes after glee ends. okay" he whispered in her ear biting her ear lobe softly causing her to giggle softly and nod, she was quite happy to oblige to his wish, knowing exactly what would entail her going with him.

-xxx-

Santana had perched herself on the hood of Pucks car, her legs crossed leaning back to show just enough of her legs under her cheerio uniform to excite any man. Of course Puck was no where to be seen, even though this was his idea. They hadn't got together in a long time, since before Zizes and now that he was "single" again, she was going to jump his bones the first chance she got, cause really she couldn't get better than puckerman, he was the best of the best in their shit little town.

She couldn't help the smirk as she watched Puck saunter over towards her. He placed each of his muscular hands on either side of her hips and leaned in close to her, his smirk mirroring hers.

"Hey there Satan" he practically purred at her his voice filled with his own particular brand of lust.

She loved it when he called her Satan, it suited her so well, and when he said it, it brought her to her knees, literally.

A shiver ran down her back as she felt his hands swiftly moved to her ass and pull her forward so she was perched on the edge of the hood, she uncrossed her legs and he moved between them.

"Hola Puckerman," she whispered as she pressed her lips to the base of his neck, she knew his weak spots; the boy may be bi, like she was, but no one knew him better than she did, not even Zizes, but that girl was way to fridget to even let Puck in on a little motor boating action now and then, she may have been tough, but that girl was fridget.

Santana let out a soft moan as she felt his talented fingers manoeuvre their way up her thigh and brush over her panties, the slightest touch exciting her. Pucks other hand still firmly gripping her ass pulling her down closer moving his hand out of the way as he did a sharp thrust against her causing a her to take a sharp intake of breath as he gridded against her.

"te necesito puck" she whispered into his ear as she ran her tongue along the ridge of his ear. she felt Puck shove her back so he could give her a rather confused look. Santana just rolled her eyes and moved her hands down between them gripping his rather large bulge that had been restricted by his tight jeans.

"i need you" she whispered the translation into his ear as her hand started to rub and squeeze at him. she didn't bother to look at him to know she would get what she wanted, he was never one to pass up getting it on with Santana; never.

"no ones around" she continued; not that it would have ever stopped them, as she moved her hand away from him and unhooked his belt to leave it hanging and took to unzipping his pants. as she slid her hand down into his pants she felt just how hard he really was. he was, as usual going commando, her fingers wrapped around his shaft and gave him a tight squeeze not having much room to do much.

Puck just grunted and pulled her hand out of his pants which confused her for a moment before she felt him haul her off the hood and walk around to the back of his old jeep, throwing the back door open and pushing her in before he climbed in after her. The back of his jeep was rather spacious so they had enough room for what they wanted, though it wouldn't have mattered much as they seemed to be able to do it almost anywhere, no matter how much room they had.

"Seriously San, that performance was fucking hot!" he said as he gripped her panties and pulled them down her legs throwing them behind him, she laughed as she watched them hit the window and fall down somewhere in his gym bag.

"i thought you might like it" she said as she propped herself up on her elbows watching as he kissed his way up the inside of her right thigh, pushing her left thigh way from her right to give him full view of what he wanted.

He bowed his head as he pushed her cheerio skirt before he pressed his lips to her hip bone, his teeth grazing over her skin. he knew just how to push her, her back arched slowly as she felt his warm lips slowly kiss their way across her body. His right hand gripped her her thigh and pushed it up towards the side of her torso. Her fingers quickly eased their way through his strip of hair, it was a lot longer than it used to be.

Puck softly bit down on the inside of her thigh causing her to moan softly just before she spoke "mm, Puck you seriously need a hair cut" she muttered her eyes hooded as her head fell back against the car door with a soft thud and then a groan from Santana.

He just grunted at her before looking up at her, "i have my reasons" he said in a practically devil-like voice.

Pucks hands were a lot colder than the rest of him, as as his index and middle finger brushed over her damp folds it caused a shiver to run down her spine; her fingers tangled in his hair strip, now she knew why he kept it long. She tugged at his hair softly, letting out a slightly louder moan as she felt his two rather thick fingers slid inside her, her back now completely arched off his flattened out back seat. Santana tightened her grip on his hair as she heard the soft sound of him chuckling.

"shut the fuck up Puckerman, your the only one who can do this properly," she grumbled and he just shook his head knowing that she was right, he ducked his head and pressed his lips to her centre running his tongue between the two and licked up against her clit.

Santana bit her lip as she let out another soft moan her hips pressing up into his mouth as his fingers continued to move at a steady pace into her, her fingers tightened some more and she pulled him down closer to her heated centre causing him to groan softly into her causing a shudder to run through her body.

With Santana's eyes shut tight and pucks focused on a more important subject so neither one of them noticed or saw Principal Figgins staring at them through the back windshield. He was ridged and his forehead was covered with beads of sweat, his cheeks flushed as he watched the the two teens in their heated connection. His hand raised to knock on the window but a loud obnoxious sound rang out through his car.

"Don't want no short dick man~"

Santana's eyes opened and her head bobbed softly as her ringtone went off, her untangled her hands from his strip of hair and pulled her phone out and flipped it open. She grumbled and sat up as she looked at the one missed call from her one Brittany S. Peirce. A moan caught in her throat as she caught sight of Principal Figgins swearing his ass off at the back of the car. Santana smirked at the old indian man before she pushed at Pucks head.

"Yo, Puckzilla, take it easy boy, we got an audience"

Puck growled softly and pulled his eyes up from her to the back window, she could see exactly what was going through his mind as she watched that puck-like smirk cross his face. He whipped the back of his hand over his mouth and mouthed a "hey there Pops" to Figgins who blushed and quickly scurried away from Pucks car, whipping his hand across his forehead.

"so it seems that we can still make old men sweat like pedophiles still, and I didn't even get my cloths off" Santana said her cocky nature seeping through her latino voice.

Puck just raised an eyebrow, they didn't even need words most of the time, she nodded and he hulled himself out from between her legs and over into the front seat starting the engine.

Santana rummaged through the back of his car until she found a pair of panties, not hers but they seemed her size so she just pulled them on and climbed over the seat propping her feet up on the dash board and got comfortable for the ride to the outskirts of town.


	2. Pain

**AN: borrowing my friends exact words for this, cause i couldn't have put it any better, I was waiting for reviews. I have plenty of alerts, but only one review. I do want to know what people think of it. Please, tell me if you don't like it, or if you do. What you liked and didn't like. I honestly want honest criticism. It's what helps us writters improve. I want to get published and want as much help as I can in doing that.**

**Also, i kinda did a little time skip, only about 3 or 4 hours, but none the less i kinda didn't really want to go and do the whole sex thing with puck and san again the next chapter, but don't worry there will be more of them, this is just a minor speed bump.**

**oh also, i forgot to mention that this fiction is set in season 3, before heart and i kissed a girl. Santana, Britt and Mercedes never left ND, and Sugar got better and joined ND without a trouble kicking shelby in her face cause i hate the bitch. :D**

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><p>Santana propped herself up on her elbows, the trunk was open and they lay there finally covered up once again, she lay there in her panties and that was about it, Puck hadn't quite got that far yet. The car bounced slightly as he lifted his hips up and wiggled his boxers back up his legs before letting them clasp around his waist.<p>

they seemed to both roll at the same time, Santana onto her stomach and Puck on to his side as he stared down at her, it was an odd stare, one that he didn't use very often with her; it was his _"i know your hiding shit from me bitch, so spit it out"_ stare.

Puck let out a gust of wind as his chest deflated just a little resting his head on his folded arm "So Santana, your being more of a bitch this week. Why?" he asked raising an eyebrow at her.

Their relationship was a weird one, they had sex; really hot, really amazing sex, but they were best friends as well. Brittany may have been her best girl friend, but some things she jut couldn't understand, and thats where Puck came in. it was pretty much the same thing for Puck, being his best friend; weather it were Sam or Finn they both weren't the sharpest tool in the shed, They both had each other for the serious stuff, cause no matter what they said to each other, or what they did, they would always be there for each other.

Santana rolled her eyes and frowned slightly, was she really that obvious? wasn't she always a bitch?

"oh come off it puckerman, I'm always a bitch." she said pushing her hair from out of her eyes.

"Come on San, you know its true, and I'm betting it has something to do with Finn, cause you seem to be aiming all your bitch at him these days. whats up with that?" he asked as he reached out and poked her perfectly tanned skin.

Santana's eyes widened just a little. they knew. they had to know. how else would puck pick up on something like that, yes she may have been a complete and utter bitch to everyone, but she always came down harder on Frankenteen, and it wasn't even because he was dating Man-Hands; even though he should be burned alive for that crime alone, it defiantly wasn't because of that. there was one reason, and one reason alone for her hatred of Finn Hudson which was that the over grown oaf had got her pregnant.

How it happened was unbeknown to her, she was on the pill at the time, and they used a condom so how she had gotten pregnant with his child was literally 1 in a million chances. But it happened, and even though it went against everything she secretly believed in, she had an abortion. because seriously, it was either that or have Abuela hit her with a chair or two. so she chose the more um "comfortable" option.

She looked away quickly from puck's prying gaze knowing all too well that if he stared at her long enough she would crack and spill everything. she let out a soft little sigh as she rested her forehead against her forearms so puck couldn't affect her in any way, but as he always did, he knew how to get her to talk and with the softest touch she had ever felt from the badass who lay beside her she frowned and turned her head raising an eyebrow at him before letting out a larger louder sigh.

"fine, you want to know whats fucked me up?" she said in her normal bitchy tone. "back in 2009, when i took Finn's V-Card, he got me pregnant." she said in an exhale, rushing the words out.

she saw the shock take over pucks facial features completely. it was a look she wasn't unfamiliar with, it was the one she saw when she first found out.

"Yeah." she breathed as she turned her head again to have her facing down, she bit her lip and tried to hold back any sought of emotion. but some how all she felt at that very moment, was lighter. like a weight was lifted off her chest and she could breath properly once again.

"b-but you never got fat or anything. where is the kid?" puck asked almost astonished, as if he didn't already know she didn't keep the tiny thing.

"i had an abortion." she bit out, her own hatred of herself for doing such a thing prevalent through her voice.

Puck was silent then, he didn't say a thing, she turned her head again to see his face contorted with a mixture of pain, disgust and hatred. and thats when it hit her, she had just confessed to a wanna-be father that she had willingly killed her own child.

"get out." he spat as he sat up and started to rummage around his car for her things. as he found them he threw them at here one by one until she was holding a bundle of cloths and her bag before he opened the door and practically forced her out of his car.

She stared at him, limp and jaw dropped as he continued to rummage around until he found his pants.

"P-Puck…. you can't tell anyone" she said as she continued to hold herself together, her emotions where going into over drive and she was about to break down into a blubbering mess.

"Fuck you Satan." he said as he crawled over the front seat and turned the keys to start the engine.

"Im serious Puck, you can't tell anyone. ill do anything, just don't tell anyone" she said her cloths now scattered on the ground as she clutched at his window her voice filled with desperation.

"yeah, whatever, but you better tell Finn, or i will" he spat at her before he pried her fingers away from his window, one she was attached from his car he literally speed off, leaving her on the outskirts of Lima, naked and alone.

-xxx-

"hello?"

"uh, yeah hi. I'm stranded." she said softly not really loving the fact that she had to call the one person she despised and avoided at all costs.

"and why are you calling me Santana? shouldn't you be asking Brittany or Puck?" he asked, she could hear the hit of annoyance in his voice.

"I… uh, well Britt isn't answering her phone, and she can't drive. and well Pucks the one who left me out here" she whispered begrudgingly. "i wouldn't have asked you if i didn't have to Finnocence, you know that"

"yeah yeah…"

there was a oddly long pause as they both waited for the other to speak. He sighed.

"where are you? ill come and get you" he said softly, she could hear the soft mummer of guns and a battle cry of some sought; CoD most likely.

"I'm out at the lake, off route 56" she said softly running her fingers through her now messy hair.

"ill be there in 15" he said before hanging up on her. Rude.

-xxx-

By the time Finn had found Santana, she was spread eagle on her back in the middle of the parking lot with her eyes closed, her iPod in.

Being Finn, he freaked out, thinking that she was dead but as he jumped out of the car and ran across the lot he saw her chest moving and slowed his pace, no longer needing to see if she died.

Finn nudged her with the toe of his shoe and her eyes flew open and automatically a frown crossed her face, her hand reached out and pushed his foot away from her no longer pristine cheerio uniform.

"Im not dead Finn" she muttered as she pulled her headphones out and looked up at the giant now leaning over her, the panic slowly fading from his eyes. it was now Finns turn to frown, it didn't make sense why she was stuck out here, or why she was laying on the ground; she was weird.

He held his hand out to her and to both their surprise, she took it and pulled herself up off the ground dusting off any dust or tiny rocks that may have attached itself to her cloths.

"uh thanks for coming to get me. can you just drop me back off at school?" she asked and got a nod from the tall boy and a soft grunt of acceptance. it was weird, relying on Finn; it felt unnatural.

They drove in silence. Santana, legs pulled up to her chest her arms wrapped around herself in an attempt to warm herself up and Finn, sat blank faced staring at the road. the silence was uncomfortable, and awkward. Santana felt like she needed to say something, to break this tension between them. but she didn't, she just stared out the window and watched the town pass by them as they headed towards McKinley High which was a good 20 minute drive from where they started out.

Santana smiled slightly as they pulled up into the school car park, seeing her beautiful red mini cooper across the lot. She reached for the door handle, but as she pulled the handle back to open the door it wouldn't open, she practically growled as she saw that his shit box of a car was locked, and aparentally these types of cars liked to make it impossible to unlock from the inside, as well as on the outside.

"what the fuck finn? unlock the door" she grumbled her brows pulling close together in the centre of her forehead.

"i will, but answer me this Santana. Why are you so much more of a bitch to me huh? why do you pick at me more than any one else in the entire club? and round this time of year it gets too fucking much" He said, his tone harsh and deep. she could tell that if she wanted to ever leave this god damn hideous car she was going to have to make something up, or tell him the truth; _maybe this is the perfect moment San _ her inner angle spoke to her, she had been holding this secret so close to her heart that it physically brought her down, making her an even bigger bitch than she actually was.

"I-I…." she stuttered it caught her off guard and even though it took her a minute to answer, she still hadn't made up her mind. _you remember the feeling of being weightless when you told Puck, imagine what it would feel like once you told Finn. you would be weightless, you would be happy. _ her little inner voice was the voice of reason that had been attacking her the past 2 years, telling her to tell finn, but she had ignored it, she had never been in such a small space with the giant boy, never alone with him.

"Cause its almost been 2 years, thats why" she finally spit out as she watched him, knowing that Finn was probably going to have an even bigger out burst and go incredible hulk on her ass; tearing her to sheds before she even got a chance to leave.

Confusion flooded his features as he tried to think of something that could make Santana upset or someone; the only thing he came up with was Brittany, for all they all knew, Santana loved brittany, loved that ditzy blond more than anyone she ever had.

"is this something about brittany? you and your lesbian lover shit?" he asked watching her carefully.

"god your thick Finn." she muttered more to herself than to him, but she turned in her seat and face the tall boy who sat beside her; she had finally made her dission.

"2 years ago, well to be exact in 2 days it will be 2 years since i found out i was pregnant" she said softly bitting her lip as she continued she started to regret telling him. "remember when i took your v-card and the condom broke but i said i was on the pill? well, it didn't work."

Finn wasn't surprised, but confused. he didn't understand, how did she have a kid, she didn't disappear for 9 months or get fat at all, how did she get pregnant.

Santana saw Finn's eyebrows pull together as he tried to figure something out. so she decided to continue since he wasn't hitting anything yet.

"I was pregnant with_ your _child, but i got an abortion." she said softly emphasising on the word your. "and in 2 days, it will have been 2 years since i got rid of my child… our child" she had to spit the last part out, she had never thought of the baby that once grew inside her stomach as theirs, only hers; and there was a large chance that she would never again after this one moment think of that child as theirs, only hers, always hers.

Santana bit down on her lip as she felt the tears well up in her eyes as she watched Finns face contort into blind rage and anger. she knew she had done the right thing, but was the right thing ever really the right thing? She took a shape intake of breath as she heard the soft click of the locks of the car open, she threw the door open, grabbing her bag and flinging herself out of the car, not bothering to look back as her vision had gone to complete shit as she finally let out all her pain.

She heard the distinct screech of tyres, as she fumbled with her keys.

She had made it in once piece, physically. but inside, she was torn apart; she had finally let herself tell not one, but two people and doing that opened herself up to a whole new world of pain that she had never experienced, the distinct pain of losing a child, the pain she had cut herself from the moment her baby was taken from within her.


	3. A Mile In Her Shoes

**AN: So Chapter 3 is up :) you know the drill people, please please please review the story, and each chapter since i want some feedback on this, cause i can't just ask tash, cause i know what she thinks cause she helps me with everything i upload these days. so please, review. also this chapter, and most of the story is very angst, its just how i write. there will be a happy-ish ending but I'm not too sure when that ending is going to come. i also don't know when i will update next since i normally just take each chapter as i go, i have a basic out line for the story but nothing too detailed, so most of this comes up when I'm writing it. so on that note, PLEASE REVIEW, it makes my day when you review my work, truly it does. anyways, thats all. enjoy the chapter :).**

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><p><em>How could she? How could she just do that to a child? To my child? <em>It was if Finn's mind was trying to reach a level of noise that it would just drown out the sound of the screeching tyres. He was being overloaded with feelings, and just like the last time someone hurt him this bad, it revolved around a teen pregnancy. Unlike the last time though, it was actually his.

The moment those 4 little words left Santana's quivering lips all other sounds left his head, he couldn't hear anything else but those 4 words over and over. It was if someone had recorded and made a remix of Santana telling him that she had willingly killed their child; he saw red. But he knew somewhere in the back of his mind that he had no right to act like this. That child was never his, and even if Santana had kept the kid, he would have never seen it.

He hadn't seen the look on Santana's face. He didn't know how she felt. How she had felt giving up her child; but why would he? Even if he wouldn't admit it to anyone else, he was selfish just like everyone else when it came to these sorts of situations. His feelings were more important than hers, or anyone else's on the matter.

But like everyone he needed to talk to someone, and he knew exactly who to talk to; Puckerman. It didn't take him the normal 25 minutes to get to Puckerman's, cause apparently his subconscious decided long before he had that he needed to talk to Puckerman. By the time he snapped out of the red haze he was sitting out site the Puckerman Household, Maria's car wasn't in the drive way, which probably meant she was on a night shift. Thank god.

xxx

Finn fidgeted as he stood now waiting for Puck to open the door, or for Ava to answer. Either way he was going to get into that house and either talk or yell, or possibly maybe cry; a tiny little bit.

He couldn't hear anyone moving inside the house, of course his hearing wasn't the best. He didn't hear the soft sound of shoes shuffling over the hardwood floor inside Puck's house as his head fell back and he ran his fingers through his hair.

"Uh, hey Finn. What's up?" Puck's husky voice washed over Finn bringing him back to reality.

"I can't believe she did that" was all he said before he pushed past Puck and walked into the lounge and flopping down on the old brown couch.

"Im guessing Santana told you then?" Puck mumbled as he took the love seat next to Finn.

"Yeah. How could she do that to me Puck? I mean how could she do that to my kid?" His voice was slowly growing louder as he went on; "she's just that big of a bitch that she felt like putting me down by killing my kid?"

Puck just stared at the now fuming teen, he had to admit that when Santana first told him he had almost the same reaction, but seeing Finn, and hearing him, how he felt about what Santana had done really made him think. How was Santana taking all this? She was the one who actually had to go through having a child growing inside her, and then to just choose to no longer have it. It was probably a really big decision. And even though she was tough, she still had feelings and something like this wasn't normal for any teenager to go through alone.

"Finn. Originally when I found out a few hours ago, I had the same feelings. Anger, pain, and that kid wasn't even mine. But have you thought about how she feels? It may have been your child, but you never knew about the kid until this evening right? She's had to live with this for the past two years." Puck said in a tone that Finn had never heard before. His eyebrows pulled together in the centre of his forehead.

"So what? Are you taking her side now?" He spat.

Puck sighed and shook his head. It was weird how grown up he felt right now. "I cant honestly say that I'm okay with what Santana did, but she never does anything without a pretty good reason. I mean she slept with you to get head cheerleader, it wasn't just random. Ya know? She may be a bitch, but she still has feelings, and I know for certain that the reason she is such a bitch to you is because of this. So either you get ready for a whole new wave of bitch and revenge or you go over to her place and talk to her."

Finn's brows pulled into the centre of his forehead tighter causing a small creese in his forehead. He hadn't thought about how she felt. How she dealt with this. Maybe Puck was right. For the first time in his life he was thinking things through, and even if it took him almost 6 hours to do it, it seemed to make a lot more sense than anything coming from Finn's irrational mind.

Finn let out a deep breath and nodded. "I'm going to go see her," he said before standing up and patting Pucks shoulder. He let himself out, determined to talk to the hot headed Latina.

xxx

Apparently living in Lima Heights doesn't effect Mr. and Mrs Lopez from leaving their youngest daughter at home by herself. Either that or everyone in the Lopez family has been ordered to not answer the door. He had been standing in the rain, banging on Santana's front door for what seemed like almost half an hour; with no answer. She was home, since he could hear the soft sound of Beyonce's "Put A Ring On It" was playing from her second story bedroom; with the lights on.

"SANTANA!" Finn Yelled. He was cold, and wanted to get this over with so he could go home and take a long hot shower and think over everything that has ever happened between them. With no answer he groans softly and lets his forehead fall with a soft thud as his head connected with the hard wood door.

xxx

Santana had definitely heard the multiple door bangs and yells of her name from the boy at her front door, but unlike at school she didn't mind being alone, and especially when she was in this kind of state; curled up in her pyjamas. A small pair of pink and back checkered short shorts and a black McKinley Sweatshirt. She was on her bed still sobbing from the opening of this old wound that she thought had healed long ago. Obviously she had been wrong.

Her eyes were puffy and she was constantly sniffling and wiping her nose with the back of her hand. Her make-up had now run down her cheeks and stained the sleeves of her cheerio jacket. Luckily for her sweatshirt, that consequently was Puck's, was black and make-up didn't show up on the thing.

Santana jumped slightly as she heard the soft tap of fingers on her window, and there, on one of the larger, more thicker branches, of the tree that grew beside her bedroom window, was Finn sporting an expression of a mixture of nothing and annoyance, paired with his lopsided goofy smile that seemed to make her feel just that little bit better, but not too much.

She pulled the sleeves down over her hands and wiped at her eyes trying to make herself look even slightly decent as she crawled off her bed and walked the few steps to her window. Trying to even out her breath that seemed to continue in the same way as when someone is crying to hard and they take a double intake. But being the "emotionless bitch" she was, she was able to stop the tears, even if her chest felt like it had internally combusted into a pile of mush- just long enough for her to tell Finn to get lost.

"What the fuck Hudson?" she asked through the glass, not bothering to open the thing. She tried, tried so hard, not to make eye contact with the tall boy in the tree but she slipped, and once her eyes met his, she couldn't pull away.

Finn stared at the Latina through the thick glass that separated them, for the first time, possibly ever, he saw a venerable Santana. Her eyelids and the skin under her eyes where tainted a soft red and puffy, an obvious sign that she had been crying. What truly showed how venerable she was, was that look in her eyes. Normally when he looked into the Latina's eyes, they where cold and mean, but now all he could see was pain. Almost as strong as the joy he saw in Rachel's eyes when she sung, and it just broke his heart.

"We need to talk, Santana," he called, a little louder than he needed too. But he didn't understand that even though there was glass between them, she could hear him perfectly.

"What else do you want me to say Hudson? Or have you come to yell at me?" She asked her eyebrows pulling into the centre of her forehead. "Cause I'm not really in the mood for your shit," she said before turning her back to him and walked towards her bathroom. She stopped when he spoke.

"I want to apologise," he said loudly. They both knew there was a large chance of her neighbours hearing every word he was saying. "So please Santana, just let me in."

Santana bit her lip and did another double intake of breath before nodding and turning around to open her window to let him in.

"But your going to need to change. I am not letting you sit on anything like that," she said as she tried to detach herself from her feelings once again. She walked off towards her parents room and grabbed one of her fathers old pair of slacks and a sweatshirt before heading back to her room.

"you can get changed in my bathroom, just give me your clothes and ill put them in the dryer," she said as she threw the dry clothes at the tall boy who simply nodded before doing what he was told.

xxx

Finn handed his wet clothes to her and followed her silently down stairs to the laundry. He really had no idea what to say, or how to act, but he decided he should just jump into it. It's not like it would hurt any less for either of them. They were going to get to that sooner or later, why not get it over first. Right?

"Im sorry, about how i acted earlier," he said softly as he watched the raven haired girl press different buttons before the soft hum of the dryer filled the room.

She just shrugged, before pushing past him and walked back up the stairs, Finn hot on her tail.

"I didn't think, all I saw was red. I mean the last time something that involved me and a baby, I found out that my girlfriend cheated on me with my best friend. How was I supposed to react?" he asked finally ending what he wanted to get out as they set foot back in Santana's bedroom. It was very fitting for the girl, being the room was practically all red, black and white.

"I wasn't surprised Hudson. I knew you would have never taken it well, thats just how you are. Just like man hands. You both over-react and don't think of anyone else but yourself," she said before crawling back up on to her bed and found the still slightly warm spot that she had been curled up in.

Finns jaw dropped as he listened, but in a sense he felt that he deserved that.

"I was never going to tell you, I knew you were going to react badly, so I never told you, or anyone else," she said softly. She felt venerable, and she hated it. But she knew that this day was going to come 2 years back.

"I know you don't understand why I didn't keep my baby," she said softly.

"Our baby," he corrected her. She just frowned and nodded.

"But I wasn't ready to give up my life. I wasn't ready to be compared to Quinn in another way. I wasn't ready for people to think that I was inferior in another way to Quinn," she said softly before she took another double intake and let her tears slowly come back to her eyes.

"You don't understand what its like to be second best at everything. To everyone I'm second choice, even to you i was second choice to man-hands. You don't know how that feels because you have always been someones first." She said softly before quickly wiping her eyes with the sleeve of the jumper.

"Even to Brittany I was second best, and with this I wasn't okay with that. I may want kids one day, but I don't want them in high school. I hate what I did, and it eats at me every single day. I walk those halls in physical pain because of this. My chest hurts, and now, it's even worse. People say it gets better, but it doesn't. That child may have been yours, but you didn't know what it was like having a living being living inside of you. You had no attachment to that child. I saw what he or she looked like at 7 weeks. A little tiny blob inside me; it scared the shit out of me and yet every time I look at that picture the nurse gave me I feel like I want to break down and cry," she said. Her voice quivered as her body threatened to give into the sobs that where battling to get out.

"And I know Puck thinks I'm a coward, because I didn't do what Quinn did, but I know that if I kept that baby, theres a big possibility that I wouldn't be here right now. I'm 17. I have my whole life ahead of me, I wasn't ready for that kind of commitment, that kind of love. Im not sorry that I didn't tell you, because if I had I know you would have asked me to keep it and I knew, even before I decided to give it up, that I wasn't read-y" she tried to finish what she was saying but she crumpled and just began to sob. The feeling of losing a child, whether it was her choice or not, still was the worst pain she ever felt. She craved heart break now. Anything was better than this feeling.

Finn's mouth was still hanging open as he watched this strong bitchy Latina crumble into a blubbering mess in front of him. Before he even comprehended what he was doing, he had pulled the raven haired girl into his lap and wrapped his big arms around her curled up quivering body and just rocked slowly back and forth.

All that anger he held before had disappeared. All he felt now was pain. The pain of seeing Santana like this. The pain of losing a child he never knew about. He felt her pain, and he just continued to rock her humming softly into her hair as he did so, just letting her cry.

If his mother had taught him one thing about girls; most of them hold a brave face, but sometimes it all gets too much and they just needed to be held and have a good cry. That is what he was going to do, just let Santana cry. He now understood. She had been holding in all this pain, and now, the pain of losing her child was allowed to come out. She didn't have to hold it in any more, she could cry and he wouldn't judge.

xxx

The loud familiar sound of a car door slamming awoke Santana, who found herself wrapped up in Finn Hudson's arms the sweatshirt stained from her tears. Her eyebrows pulled together in a harsh frown, she was allowed boys in her room so the quick hello from her mother didn't make her anxious or scared, but the fact that she had let Finn Hudson of all people fall asleep on her bed, with his arms around her, was just weird.

She slapped the sleeping boys arm to wake him; it worked well. Finn's eyes opened quickly and he rolled the wrong way causing him to fall off the bed with a loud thud.

"What the hell?" Finn asked as he sat up rubbing his eyes before looking up at the Latina now settled with her knees pulled up to her chest looking at him.

"You fell asleep on my bed Hudson. It's weird," she said.

Santana sighed softly, she felt so light and happy. She hadn't felt like that in a long, long time. She liked it.

Finn shrugged one shoulder and smiled that goofy lopsided smile at her as he pulled himself off the floor. "Well seeing as my clothes are still down stairs in the dryer, I wasn't going to leave," he said rubbing the back of his neck with his hand.

What surprised him was how rested he felt. He never felt this good after a sleep, even if he slept for like 10 hours. Mental note: sleep at Santana's more often.

Santana just nodded before climbing off the bed, and headed towards the door.

"Right, well I'm going to go get your clothes, and then you can go home and explain to your mother why you never came home." Santana said, Finn sighed.

She was back to her emotionless self; maybe it was just around him, but he had a feeling a lot of the reasons for her never showing her emotions where because of what happened, because of that one night she spent with him.

Finn just nodded and watched her leave the room. It was odd that her parents where just getting home, but who knows what went on in her family, all he knew was that they were rolling in it.

xxx

Finn was lost in thought when Santana walked back into her room and handed him his dry clothes. He thanked her and made his way back to her bathroom and quickly changed.

"uh thanks" he said as he handed back her fathers sweatshirt and track pants, before making his way over to her window. He climbed out of her house.

He was almost to the ground when he heard something he didn't think he would ever hear again in his life.

"Thank you, Finn" Santana said softly before closing the window and left the lanky boy to get on with his weekend.


End file.
